It is that time of year. A review of my word for 2022: FOCUS
Like every other year, I went in with an intention of how it would be my word and I came out with a different understanding. What did I expect? I expected to shift MY focus to the things that mattered to me. I expected to be heads down in my career, health and family. I expected to pay attention to all the things I wanted to come to light. I had a plan, and I was focused.
What did I get? Sometimes you must shift your focus in a moment’s notice AND I am not very good at it. I figured out that my attention span (focus) is way OFF. I learned that life can and will change your focus without you having any control. I learned that life is short, and we should embrace what matters. I learned that when the hits keep on coming, focus is much harder. I learned that sometimes I must shift my focus to save my sanity. I learned that I hated the word focus.
Those are my initial thoughts – the raw ones I sent Rhonda when we were discussing our 2023 word. I don’t want a new word. I don’t want a word because the last couple of years, the words have hit me hard. My views have softened somewhat since talking to her that day. They usually come into focus the last week of the year, but more this year than ever.
This past year, I wanted to focus on here and now. I wanted to focus on my plan for the future and move towards it with excitement. I still want to do those things. BUT 2022 decided I needed to head back to my past AND focus on healing. I was confronted with things I thought I had healed. I was shown where I still had areas of growth. You see what I have found was that there are triggers (I hate that word) and links tied to things I could have never imagined. I had to work through those links and it may have been the hardest part of my journey thus-far.
Why? We are ultimately responsible for how we show up. Yes, trauma can happen and it sucks. Yes, it causes things to trigger you. However, the person/event who triggered it is not fully responsible for that trigger. Maybe they mistreated you and a boundary needs to be set. Maybe they mistreated you and cutoff needs to occur. Either way, YOU and you alone are responsible for your actions. So, I had to come face to face with my own inner demons this year. I had to focus on healing those dark places. Instead of fighting my past, I am learning to embrace how it shaped who I am, so I can move forward in where I meant to go.
It wasn’t easy. It is not finished. I wish I could skip this part. However, God has been very clear that until I focus on this part of my healing journey, the rest is not possible. He hasn’t stopped my forward movement because all things are working for my greater good. However, this focus on healing is what I need even if it is not what I want.
A sneak peek into my word for 2023. Joy resonates me. My soul longs for Joy even in the storms. Yet, I am haunted by the word Divine Feminine. Now, some Christians will be like why do you have to go there – this is new age. I will disagree with you. I hate every part of this lesson, but it is one that has haunted me all year. My femininity has been severely wounded by men throughout my life. It has caused two extreme reactions in – one of aggressiveness and anger or one of complete shutdown. When it shows up, there is no middle ground, it is all or nothing, and either reaction is scary. This is the area where healing is occurring.
I am not taking about being man vs woman. I am not talking anything cryptic. I am talking about the masculine features and feminine features we all possess. I am having to learn to not hide my feminine side because she is safe – she doesn’t need to be bad-ass all the time, and only exert masculine qualities. I can be the feminine woman that I am AND Still be powerful.
Why do I tell you this? Because I really want Joy to be my word BUT Divine Feminine is calling me and I am fighting it. So I don’t know what my word will be. Maybe it is a phrase. Finding Joy in the Divine Feminine. Until I know where I am headed the word of the year post won’t happen. Which means now that I have said this, I will get clear guidance in a few days. HA.
Stay tuned my friends, the Focus for 2023 is coming soon to a blog near you!
