Last week, we discussed life up to my daddy’s suicide and my husband’s impending deployment. In the moment, I wondered could life give us any more heartbreak. I learned that year to never question if life could get any harder or worse, because the answer is yes, it can. I feel like that questioned tempted the Universe to show me just how hard it to could get it. The response to my question was “Challenge Accepted.”
As far a grieving daughter, I did not put any effort into grieve. My husband was gone and I had to compartmentalize and focus on being a mother while he was fighting a war. However, the grief would seep out. I was sure that I had it much harder than Aaron did. Sure, he was away at war. BUT I was at home being strong, doing it all, keeping it together. We got into a pissing battle of who had it harder. The Army said, don’t tell him how you feel. He knows to know you have it all together. So I did that, and he resented me. I didn’t tell him how I felt because I thought he wasn’t supposed to hear it. He thought he was no longer loved or needed. The fighting intensified. We decided we would divorce while he was in Iraq. On the night he returned, he moved out.
When I tell you, our family went into the fight of our lives. It doesn’t matter the details of why we fought or even specifics into the battles. What does matter is this – we were too broken people who for whatever reason could not end the marriage. We spent many years putting our family back together. With every deployment or even long training session, we are reminded of the hard times war causes. We sometimes slip back into old ways and argue again, but we have vowed to keep fighting each other.
As the battle-wounded wife, the grieving daughter would eventually break loose and she demand her emotions to be tended. One August day, right before the one year anniversary, I broke. My husband was gone. My children were young. I remember falling apart in my floor and the next thing I remember is being at my mom’s in her bed. Obviously, I made it there safely but I stll cringe anytime I think about that day.
In the fight to save our family, Aaron and I were given resources by the Army. We entered counseling – separate and together. We found our friend Joe Beam, and we took his Marriage Intensive. We worked individually on ourselves. We focused on becoming the parents and people our children deserved. We began to trust each other’s intent for the family, and it allowed the heavy discussions to not be so heavy. We found that even though we disagreed, we did agree on one thing – doing what was best for our family as a unit. In that we were able to listen, and find the actual solution which was usually a compromise of both.
Aaron rarely tells me no but when he does, I listen. This infuriates some women because who does he think he is. Let me tell you. He thinks he is my biggest cheerleader. He believes in me when I don’t. He says yes to my craziness when I doubt. So when he says no, he is seeing something I am not. I LISTEN because that man has always has my best intentions at heart. HE LED me to coaching. Which is a story for next week!